What She Wanted
by petrichorister
Summary: She'd wanted to be with the Companions since she was a little girl, but getting there was a struggle all its own. Originally from the Skyrim Kink Meme. Pre-Skyrim.
1. Prologue: Strange Men on Horseback

**AN:** For a Kink Meme prompt requesting backstories of minor Skyrim characters. One of the "bonus points" characters to include was Ria, and, well, I couldn't resist. I love Ria. If you've read this on the SKM, I'm making a few minor revisions for clarity's sake (and, for that reason, I'm not putting the whole thing up at once).

**WARNINGS:** This fic eventually contains character death (including the death of a child) and one non-graphic NSFW scene later on. I will **not** be putting warnings at the beginning of each chapter, because it would get redundant, but... I mostly want to warn you about the child death, I guess. It's not my goal to trigger people.  
**Disclaimer:** The places and characters portrayed in this fic belong to Bethesda, with the exception of Maris, Pontius, and Nereus, who are my own original characters.

* * *

It was a long journey from Bruma to Falkreath.

Ria didn't remember it. She was too young, not even a full year old. It was a risk her family had taken, hoping to make their way in the world, as they'd yet to have any luck in the city. In Skyrim, they would start life anew. They could start a farm, escape from the most oppressive rulings of the Thalmor. They had just enough coin on them to hire a wagon and cross the border, but, beyond that, they had little else they could manage.

Pontius set to work immediately with the blacksmith, while Maris and the children stayed in the small farmhouse where a Nord family had taken pity on them. So long as Maris earned her keep tending the farm and helping Jorck and Irja, she, Nereus, and Ria could stay.

And that was where Ria spent her first couple of years, in that little farmhouse on the edge of Corpselight Farm, with her older brother and Jorck and Irja's son Mathies to keep her company. That was _home_, at least to her, though her parents still wistfully told stories of Bruma and spoke of returning one day.

When she had seen four winters and Nereus had seen seven, they had almost free run of the village, so long as she stayed by his side and they didn't go off into the woods. Mostly, this meant they sat by their father at the forge, listening to him argue with Gowan and Gowan's son, Lod. On days when they were extremely lucky, the other children, who were few and far between, would join them in games of tag or of Guards and Bandits, or they'd lollygag outside the Jarl's longhouse and wait for his pompous teenage nephew to appear so that they might pester him. That was a game they learned early on to be careful when playing, as one time it ended with the oldest among them being dragged to Falkreath prison for the afternoon.

Her favorite days had always been the days when she and Nereus would sit by their father, as it meant the other children couldn't ignore her for being the youngest and a girl at that. She could sit and watch as he crafted and fixed swords for the Jarl's guards, and she could ask if she might have a sword for herself. Her father laughed it off each time, saying swords were for warriors and _she_ was going to be a refined young lady, if her mother had anything to say about it.

Whatever her mother _did_ have to say about it would soon be lost, however, when Ria first laid eyes on the Companions.

It was a sunny day in Second Seed when the two men came to town on horseback. The older of the men had a thick beard and a swirling tattoo on the side of his face, and his fellow warrior had long brown hair tied back in a ponytail and sturdy cheekbones, made more sharp by the stripes he'd painted on either cheek. Ria watched from the deck of the blacksmith's house, full of wonder at their surprising grace.

Before her father could jump from his workstation and stop her, Ria ran into the path, desperate to get a better look. She was young yet, and didn't always think. All she knew was that she had to find out who these men were and what they were doing in Falkreath.

"Whoa there!" the older of the two men called out as he reared back his horse to keep from trampling her. "Watch your step, young one."

"Who are you?" she asked, openly and brazenly and in such a curious tone that her mother might have died of embarrassment if she had been there to hear.

"Who's asking?" said the younger man with a smirk.

The bearded man shot his fellow traveler a stern look before searching again for the little girl. "Kodlak Whitemane," he said was a soft smile, "and this is Skjor. We're Companions from Whiterun." His tone was gentle, much more suited to a grandfather than to a chiseled warrior.

"What's a Companion?"

"Protector of Skyrim, that's what," Skjor said with a laugh. He wasn't quite as gentle as his comrade, but he still seemed amused by the girl's curiosity. "Warriors. Why, you looking to join up?"

Ria couldn't help herself frowning. "Papa says I can't be a warrior."

"Nonsense!" Kodlak's laughter was booming, echoing around the wooded town. "Anyone with a brave heart and a strong arm can be a Companion."

"Anyone?" Shock crossed over her face as she heard the words.

"Anyone." The man shot her a wink before he and his fellow Companion made their way back down the path.

Ria was awakened from her gaze following them by her father's arm tugging her back to the smithy. Even as he lectured her about safety and about being wary of strange men on horseback, her mind flitted back to those warriors, to the giant swords strapped to their back and their shining armor glinting in the spring sunlight. His words were lost on her completely for the rest of the day.

And for the days immediately following, Ria constantly thought about those men and their horses and their armor and their swords, and she listened to others only when the names came up. "I hear they're looking for the last hold-out of the Dark Brotherhood!" Valdr had said, and, "Word down at Dead Man's Drink is that there are werewolves in the woods and the Companions are hunting for them," was the exciting news from Solaf. But the most interesting was Lod, who told her, "Did you hear? A couple years ago, the pair of them fought off a hundred and one Orc beserkers!"

That settled it, then.

She was going to be a Companion, whether her mother liked it or not.


	2. Ria and the Bear

"Nereus!"

Ria's shout rang through the woods as her brother darted ahead. They were still too young to be out this far by themselves, but that wasn't going to stop them anytime soon. The two of them had already decided they were going to be warriors, Companions of Jorrvaskr, even if she was only six and he was only nine.

And, as Companions spent their lives adventuring, so would they.

"Nereus, wait for me!"

"Slowpoke!" he called back to her.

"I am _not_ a slowpoke!" she yelled, speeding up as much as she could. It was difficult navigating some of the thicker underbrush, with the twigs and shrubs which she herself was only _barely_ taller than, but she managed, trying her hardest to at least keep pace while her brother disappeared behind a tree.

It would all be alright, she knew. Pontius and Maris had taught the two of them important things about the woods. They knew what to do if an animal attacked them, they knew to avoid certain places where spriggans were known to lurk, and they knew a few plants they could eat if they ever got lost. And it helped that Valdr, a boy about ten winters older than Ria, had taught them a few tips and tricks, like how to start a fire with some flint. He was a hunter, and hunters knew these things.

Ria could feel the twigs cracking beneath her boots as she scampered through the underbrush. She had to be careful: if her mother saw cuts on her boots or tears on her skirts, she'd be in trouble for sure. Tears and cuts were a telltale sign that they'd been out in the woods, and, little as Ria was, even she knew that she couldn't hide them from her mother's careful gaze.

And perhaps she really would be in trouble for sure, because she nearly toppled to the ground and tore her dress when she finally caught up with (or, more accurately, bumped into) Nereus. "What-?"

"Shh!" he cautioned, though he was still rather loud himself. "Look!"

Nereus pointed ahead of them, to a glade just a ways away. In it was one of the most amazing sights Ria had ever seen in her life. It was majestic, and enormous, and almost surreal. She'd seen pictures like it before in books, but never a real one, not in person. She wanted to reach out, to see if she could touch it, but there was no way from where she was standing.

There, in the glade, was a bear, the dangerous sort of things that warriors and hunters fought and that her mother always warned her about.

"Wow," she breathed, entranced by the sight. The creature moved slowly through its home, pawing at the ground lazily. It was completely unlike anything she would have ever imagined, and more than anything else, she wanted a closer look.

As carefully as she could muster, she snuck around her brother, ducking under his outstretched arm to get past him. She tiptoed, trying not to scuff up her boots more than she already had that day, making sure not to tear her dress, being quiet as a dormouse.

From behind her, a swallow chirped suddenly, and she nearly fell on her face. Somehow, she managed to catch herself before she hit the ground, but not before she stumbled forward, tripping over twigs and snapping them loudly.

Uh-oh.

The bear looked up, searching around for the source of the noise. Ria stayed perfectly still, hoping it wouldn't see her. What had mama told her about bears again?

Her heart hammered in her chest as the bear's eyes settled on her and Nereus. _Be big_, she thought to herself. _Be big and the bear will think you're too big to eat_. That's what her mother had taught her long ago, but all Ria could think at the moment was that she really was very small, probably the smallest child in town.

"Run!" Nereus shouted.

Well, that always worked, too.

Ria ran as fast as her legs allowed back through the underbrush, veering past trees and barely staying upright. It was tough, sprinting and panting and _hoping_ she wouldn't trip, all while trying to remember the way back home in case she had to run that far.

Somewhere along the way, she realized she couldn't see Nereus. He'd gone off a different direction, and she was alone. Completely alone, with neither bear nor brother in sight.

As she tried to catch her breath, Ria searched and listened, hoping to hear something besides the rustling of birds in branches. Really, all she could see were trees. She didn't even know where she was anymore, let alone where Nereus could be or where home was. If she was lucky, she could make it back to the glade, but she didn't risk that. She stuck to her spot, terrified out of her wits. What if the bear ate Nereus? What if she never found her way home?

A growl woke her from her thoughts, and she screamed. The bear couldn't be far off, she knew, but she couldn't _see_ it. All she could do was run, and run, and try not to trip, and hope that she didn't bump headfirst into the beast.

And before she even knew how she got there, Ria was at the edge of the glade again, and she knew where Nereus and the bear had run off to. Her brother, for his part, was scaling a large rock, or at least trying to. The bear was circling him, snarling and growling, ready to climb up behind this easy prey.

Ria didn't have time to think. All she knew was that her big brother was in trouble, and she would be in trouble, too, if she didn't do something. She searched for something, _anything_ at all, that would help her in this fight, that might at least make her big and scary and make the bear run away, as if she weren't the perfect bite-sized snack.

When she looked at the ground next to her, she could see a rather large tree branch. It seemed awfully heavy, but she would do what she needed to right now. She gripped it with both of her hands and heaved until she had it high in the air and stood shaking under its weight.

"Over here, you big milk-drinker!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

From the way the bear turned to look at her, maybe that wasn't such a good idea, after all. Still, she held the tree branch steady while Nereus climbed the rock further. The wind blowing by wobbled the leaves, and her strength faltered. Oh, dear.

The bear charged at her, and Ria puffed up her chest. She raised the branch high as it could go, refusing to run back into the woods. _Be big_, she told herself again. _Be big and stand still and look scary. Be big and look scary and make scary sounds_.

Ria did her best to imitate a growl as the bear got closer and closer. She pretended the branch was a sword, and held it exactly the way Lod had taught her. Lod knew these things, as _he_ was going to be one of the Jarl's guards one day, if he got his wish.

And as the bear got close enough to pounce, Ria swung. The thick end of the branch hit the bear on the snout, and it staggered backwards just a bit. She teetered off balance as the branch fell to the ground on the other side of her.

This was it. The bear was quickly recovering, and she wasn't. Six years old, and she was going to be eaten by a bear. And then Nereus would be eaten by the bear. Maybe the bear would go back to Falkreath and eat _everyone_. Oh, no.

An arrow buzzed through the air, hitting the bear squarely in the skull.

Ria stood in shock for a moment as the bear fell over, quite dead. Now, where did _that_ come from?

"Ria!" A familiar voice rang through the glade. She turned, looking for the source, and saw Valdr quickly striding towards her, a look of confusion on his face. "Ria, kid, the hell are you doing here?"

His voice didn't seem angry, but Ria was having a hard time answering. "Ex... exploring," she stammered, still shaken.

"And fighting bears, apparently. You're lucky it wasn't a big one." Valdr wiped a hand over his face, like he didn't know what to do. "Gave him a good clonk, by the looks of it."

"I did?"

"Yeah." He clapped a hand on her back as he let out a laugh. "Yeah, you did. Your brother over there looks like he might have sullied his pants." Valdr grinned as he turned to the boy clinging for dear life to the rock he'd been climbing. "I guess I'll be dragging the two of you back to your mother."

He pursed his fingers in his lips and whistled loud, and a group of teenagers in armor just like his came running out into the glade. "You two," he said, pointing at a pair of them, "help Pipsqueak over there down from that rock. And the rest strip the bear for its pelt and meat and haul it home. Oh, and bring back the head whole."

"The hell for?" one of the girls called back.

"So we can mount it on a plaque and give it back to this kid here, dumbass." Valdr's hand clapped down on her shoulder once again, encouraging and exhilarating. "Never known a six-year-old who could knock a bear back by herself."

Where once Ria had felt nothing but shock and fear, she now felt a small sense of pride. She beamed at the group of hunters, most of whom continued grumbling as they cut into the bear. It didn't matter if they cared or not. _She_ had done something. The little girl who wanted to tag along with everyone as the smallest child in town had fought a bear and came out unscathed.

Ria, Slayer of Bears.

She rather liked the sound of that.

* * *

"You did _what_?"_  
_

Maris' face was a mixture of shock and fury as she looked at Ria, who, for her part, was now trying to hide behind Valdr. She'd almost forgotten about what her parents would say, and she wished the hunter had never mentioned anything at all.

"She did everything right, ma'am," Valdr said, his voice a bit uneasy. "You're supposed to look big with bears and hit 'em on the snout, and she did."

"She shouldn't have been fighting a bear in the first place!" Ria's mother was usually a fairly calm, collected woman, but right now she was positively fuming. Not _yelling_, not _cruel_; just very, _very_ angry. "I have told you and _you_," she said, pointing at Nereus, who was shifting uncomfortably under his mother's gaze, "to stay in town, and to absolutely _never_ go into the woods." Her finger shook in frustration. "And when you don't listen to me, look what happens! You nearly get eaten alive by a bear!"

"But we didn't!" Ria squeaked, and immediately regretted doing so as her mother shot her a look that could cut through stone.

"She's right." Valdr tugged her out from where she'd been hiding behind him. She silently cursed him in her head, using all the words that her parents had told her never to use. "She got him square on the nose. That made it a hell of a lot easier for me, I'll tell you, because it made the bear stop moving around for a minute. Might have missed the mark completely if she hadn't done it."

Slowly but surely, Maris calmed down. "Well, that's something, I suppose." Ria and Nereus each breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't think the two of you are off the hook just yet, though. Neither of you are leaving the town until I say you can, and no sweet rolls for a month, starting tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow." For the first time since Ria had come home that day, Maris smiled. "I think Valdr had a point. "You _did_ stun a bear with a tree branch, and that does count for something. We'll celebrate the fact that you made it home safely. But if you go out in the woods again, I'll drag you both home by the ear. Understood?"

Ria nodded as a smile spread across her own face. Celebrating sounded lovely. She wondered if that was what Companions did after successful fights.

If it was, she could get used to it.


	3. A Trip to the Lake

The sun shone bright over Lake Ilinalta as Ria ran up to it. Maris was some ways behind her, with a couple of the older boys from town in tow. Nereus was a few paces ahead, already wading into the water.

A beautiful spring day was never something anyone liked to waste, least of all Ria and Nereus, and thus their mother had decided it was a nice opportunity to take them for a swim. And the older boys, Lod and Valdr, certainly seemed to enjoy the sunlight of the Rain's Hand morning. They had been invited along more for security than anything, as they were the two Maris trusted the most to help watch over the children and not slack off, and they seemed to enjoy taking the day away from their own duties anyway.

Trips like this were few and far between for the children, particularly after the incident in the woods. Most days, Ria and Nereus were confined to sitting about their father's station at the smithy, or, on rainier days, playing quiet games in the little house Pontius and Maris had built at the edge of town. And, when they did go out to play with the older children, Ria always felt the odd one out, but not now. Not on a day like this.

Somehow, even at the age of seven, Ria was still the youngest child in town. People came, people left, but never did she find someone as close to her age as her brother. When he went off to play with the older children, she simply tagged along and tried to keep up. A few of them were fond enough of her, enough to pay her some attention, but many of them tended to ignore her. Nereus, at least, tried to make her feel included.

And thus, she had to say that Nereus was her best friend. Of course, they fought like cats and dogs at times, according to her mother, but there was still no doubt that, on days when everyone else ignored her, Nereus was the one who would tell silly stories and play sword-fights when their mother wasn't looking.

Today, it was he who cried out, "Last one to the lake is a giant's toenail!" and playfully knocked Ria in the arm as he dashed past and jumped into the water. She knew that swimming today would be wonderfully fun, with her brother there with her.

The rules were always clear when their mother took the time to go off with them, and today's rules were that they were not to start swimming until their mother had already arrived, nor were they to swim past the little island with the large stones. And, as with any day, breaking these rules when their mother was so close was a dangerous idea.

Of course, rules were never something Nereus liked to follow, and he swam ahead at a rapid pace.

"Nereus, don't do that!"

"Why not?" he called back, splashing the water just a bit.

"Mama said no," Ria mumbled.

"And we always listen to mama?" Nereus laughed. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her, so I'm going swimming. If you wanna sit here and wade, then you can suit yourself, you big baby."

"I'm not a baby!" she called out after him as he swam ahead. "I'm _not_." Ria stomped her foot on the shore as she watched him. It was one thing to explore when their mother was out working the farm, but to disobey her when she was so close was a good way to get dragged home by the shell of the ear.

Her brother splashed away through the water, drifting further and further from view, becoming barely more than a dot on the surface. The boy swam like a fish, or so their parents said. Ria wasn't really sure what that meant, but they said it happily, so she figured it was a good thing.

She kicked idly at a pebble, knowing she wouldn't catch up with him before her mother got there. The pebble bounced along the grass on the shoreline, bobbing and rolling before landing in the water with a plunk. She kicked another. Another. And one more for good measure. Each one fell into the lake with its own pitch. She raised her foot to find one more.

That was when the screaming started.

Ria's head shot up in an instant. Nereus had all but disappeared, his head the only thing even remotely visible. No, not quite: one of his arms had shot up and was waving frantically, and but it was quickly descending as something dragged him under.

"MAMA!" Ria screeched. "MAMA, COME QUICK!"

A rustling came from the trees behind her, and Maris appeared, running at top speed. She stood by Ria's side immediately, "What's happened?" she asked, more flustered than anything else.

"Nereus!" the little girl said, barely able to form coherent thoughts, let alone sentences.

"What about Nereus?" For a moment, she seemed confused, until realization and horror slowly spread across her face. "Ria, where's your brother?"

Ria simply pointed in the direction he'd swum. The screaming had stopped, muffled by bubbling water. He wasn't visible. Not at all.

Without another word, Maris jumped into the water, not even bothering to take off her shoes. She swam fast, faster than Ria had ever seen her move in her life. Even as the boys appeared from the forest, the little girl refused to turn her head and take her eyes off her mother.

She wasn't exactly sure why, but Ria suddenly felt very frightened and very, very small. By the time Lod and Valdr reached her, tears were streaming down her face. The older boys seemed unsure about what to do, if they should comfort her or swim after her mother, and instead they just stood awkwardly by her side.

There was nothing to do but watch as Maris struggled out in the depths of Lake Ilinalta. Splashes and the snarls of slaughterfish echoed around the valley, out to the sunken tower and back again. Even the usually raucous birds of the area seemed silent in comparison to the fight going on in the deep water, and Ria was powerless to do anything about it.

It was over almost as soon as it had begun.

Maris made her way back to the shore, dragging Nereus along in the water behind her. He wasn't moving on his own. Ria couldn't quite read her mother's expression, though she could tell it wasn't happy.

"Don't let her see."

A few hushed tones were exchanged between the two boys as they moved in front of Ria and blocked her from the edge of the water. She tried to move around, just to know what was happening, but they were steadfast and sturdy, keeping true to the one order they'd be given thus far.

"Lod," her mother said quietly and solemnly as she reached the shoreline, "take Ria back to town. Now. Valdr, please help me." It was all barely loud enough for Ria to hear, clearly not meant for her ears. Lod quickly grabbed Ria's shoulder and turned her around while Valdr waded into the lake.

But they weren't quick enough, and Ria caught a glimpse of what they'd hoped to hide from her.

Nereus' body was a terrible sight to behold. He was mangled, torn, and his blood darkened the water around him. It was difficult to see clearly through her tears, but she could have sworn one of his arms had gone missing entirely. His face was no better: gruesome, bruised, and rid of some features. If she hadn't already known it was him, she wouldn't have been able to recognize him as her brother at all.

And then her back was to him. Lod prodded her along, guiding her back to the path and not saying a word. Her tears rolled down her cheeks in greater numbers now, her breaths turned into muffled sobs, and she could barely see straight.

The path through the woods seemed longer this time around. Longer, darker, more threatening. It wasn't the same sunlit retreat it once had been; rather, it felt like the type of path that fairy tales warned her against, even with somebody there to keep her safe.

"It's my fault," she said when they were about halfway back to Falkreath town.

"It's not," Lod said, his voice soft. "It's nobody's fault but the slaughterfish."

"I coulda stopped him." She ran her wrist across her nose as she sniffled. "I told him not to swim that far."

"And he didn't listen." The teenaged boy clapped a hand on her back. "Listen, Ri, it's not your fault."

"Papa's going to be angry with me."

"No, he won't. Your pa's a good man."

"But I let him go."

"You told him not to, and you stayed on the shore." Lod stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. He knelt, slowly and purposefully, to get to her level and look her in the eyes. "If you'd gone out there after him, I'd be helping your ma carry you back, too. And that would be too much sadness for one day. You got that, kid?"

Ria nodded as she continued sobbing. Lod wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, letting her cry into his shoulder for a few minutes before they pressed on, where home and a day of sitting about in agony awaited her. It wasn't an easy walk, but it helped knowing that someone didn't think she was to blame.

* * *

The funeral was a quiet thing.

Runil said all the rites in his usual way, the way he had to for every funeral. People seemed to die left and right in this town, and yet Ria had always assumed it would never happen to someone so close to _her_.

There were a decent number of people there, considering how frequent the funerals were. Jorck and Irja both took the morning off and gave Maris a week to recover, Gowan and his wife and Lod comforted the grieving parents, and Valdr and some of his hunting friends came to watch the boy be buried. Even one or two of the town guards stopped by, mentioning how awful it was that a good kid like Nereus should go like that.

Maris and Pontius stayed by the grave for hours after the service ended, refusing to budge as they mourned their son. For her part, Ria spent the rest of the day in that little house at the edge of town, quietly keeping to herself.

It wasn't supposed to be like this at all. It was supposed to be a fun day at the lake, and Nereus was supposed to come home and still be her big brother. This wasn't what she'd wanted, and she would give up her little wooden sword and everything else she owned just to bring him back.

When Maris and Pontius did return, Pontius sat down by the fire with a bottle of mead and stayed quiet for the entire night. Maris, however, gently approached her daughter, who was crying silent tears in a darkened corner of the cabin. It felt like she hadn't moved in hours.

"Come here, love," her mother said softly as she gathered Ria into her arms. "Come here." Maris stroked the little girl's hair, holding her close, letting her weep openly and completely.

"I want him back, mama," Ria managed to choke out after a few minutes.

"We all do, dear." Maris brushed Ria's hair back behind her ears. "There's nothing we can do now."

"Why not?" Ria looked up at her mother, whose face now had a scar spanning the left cheek from where one of the slaughterfish got a bite at her. A pang of guilt shot through Ria, as though that scar was her fault, too.

"It's up to the Divines, now. They'll watch over him." Maris' shaking voice belied her confidence, and somehow Ria knew that she had to do something.

That night, she made a prayer to Arkay, because Runil said that Arkay was the Divine of life and death. If anything could bring Nereus back, it was Arkay. She prayed, and wished, and pleaded, that the day get a do-over, that she get the chance to catch up with him and stop him from going into that water and that Nereus be back in the cabin, talking and playing as if nothing had happened.

When she woke the next morning, he was still dead.


	4. A Matter of Words

Eventually, that terrible spring turned to summer, and summer to autumn, and autumn to winter. And thus the years went by, and Ria grew up.

She didn't grow into the stunning beauty her mother had hoped she'd be, but she wasn't an unfortunate sight to see, either. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Ria knew her mother had always wished to return to Cyrodiil, once they raked up enough coin, and maybe see if she could marry her daughter off to some noble. She'd given up teaching Ria the ways of the Imperial court years ago, though, as Ria had insisted time and time again that she would be nothing if not a warrior.

Not that being a warrior was something that would happen anytime soon, by the looks of it. Coin never seemed to accumulate, no matter how hard Maris and Pontius worked. Even as Jorck and Irja passed and Mathies took over Corpselight with his new bride, Maris continued tending the farm. Pontius became head blacksmith after Gowan died and Lod took on a job with the Jarl. Ria, meanwhile, worked odd jobs about the town, whatever she could do to raise a little extra gold for her parents' comfort.

Many of her days were spent helping someone or another out, but when she had time to herself, she would sit by her father near the forge, watching him work and listening to his amusing tales of Bruma, or in Dead Man's Drink, passing the hours with Valga and Narri and a bottle of ale, or by the longhouse, where she would occasionally try to distract Lod from his duties as the Jarl's guard.

Lod was a good sort of man, really. He'd more or less tried to fill the gap left when Nereus died, taking care of her as he would his own sister, and she could tell her father appreciated it. Ria did, too, of course, but a small part of her felt as though she were being babied by him, as though she lacked to ability to do things on her own and without protection.

He was her best friend nowadays, better than Valdr, who was gone hunting too often to earn that title, and better than Narri, who had moved to town around the time she and Ria were about sixteen. She was far more concerned with gossip and seemed perfectly content to serve drinks and flirt the rest of her life, which Ria couldn't honestly relate to, but it was nice to have another girl her age to talk to. And it was nice that she had stuck around, when so many left and found other lives in larger cities. People didn't _stay_ in Falkreath very often, much less stick around long enough to befriend the one girl who was beginning to think she'd never get the chance to leave.

And perhaps that was why she was actually such good friends with Lod. It wasn't that he'd tried to be her brother, though that was kind of him, and it certainly wasn't that her father worked the forge outside his house. Rather, it was that he was permanent, the one thing that always stayed the same in Fakreath, and she could relate. She could expect his smile when he saw her, and she could expect a bear hug every time she stayed by her father late enough to see him come home. She knew he was there for her, as best friends ought to be, and as he had been since that fateful day at Lake Ilinalta.

By the time she'd seen twenty winters, the sting of Nereus' death had numbed, enough that there were days when she hardly thought of it at all. Maris still spent almost every Sundas at the graveyard at the edge of town, willing her son to come back to life. Ria had given up on that pathetic hope after about a year of mourning.

Today was one such Sundas, and Ria had little to do besides help Mathies at Corpselight while Indara took care of their newborn daughter. But even Mathies seemed loath to work on a beautiful Sun's Height morning, and so Ria had much of the day to herself. And, as with any day Ria had to herself, she ended up grabbing the sword her father had made her some six years before and making her way down past the longhouse, hoping to catch a glimpse of Lod to see if he had some time to spare for her.

She'd made it about halfway there when she saw him, his smile bright and his hair shining in the sunlight. She waved a quick hello as she caught up with him.

"Mornin', Ri." His smile widened as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze before letting her go again. "Nothing better to do than come talk to me today?"

"Never anything better," she said as she clapped a hand to his back. "Dengeir give you the day off?"

"Aye. He says a day off every now and again's good for morale, and I'm not about to complain."

"Don't suppose you'd like to spend your day off sparring with little old me? I need the practice."

Lod just grinned at her. "Any man who'd willingly spar with you is a fool with a death wish. Lucky for you," he said, shaking the wooden shield he carried on his person at all times, "I'm one such fool. Come on. Race you to the barracks."

And, with that, he was off, running towards the grounds where the hold guards trained. Ria wasn't fast, per se, but she was quicker than him, as his bulky frame and chain mail armor tended to slow him down a good bit. She darted around him with ease, and loped all the way to the training grounds.

"Slowpoke!" she called as he finally caught up with her.

"You have an unfair advantage," he huffed. "You're younger and you haven't got armor on."

Ria stuck her tongue out at him. "Excuses, excuses. Try not to keel over." She tapped her rusted old word on the ground twice, taunting him.

Lod rolled his eyes, but his laughter belied his irritation. "It'll take more than a sparring session to make me do that much. Now, remember," he said as he adjusted his shield. "Eyes forward. Legs apart. Sword arm towards me."

"Got it." Ria had heard his brief explanation on swordfighting time and time again. She knew it by heart, really, and she felt she was ready for something at least a little more advanced. After all, she was going to need it if she ever got to join the Companions.

She took her first swing and missed. Damn. She hadn't really twisted her body in the right way, perhaps. Or maybe she'd just been too slow, and given Lod just enough time to duck out of the way. Yes, that seemed to be it, judging by the grin on his face.

Well, let it be known that she would not make the same mistake twice. She judged again, aiming and planning. It had to be the right amount of force, not so much to throw her off-kilter, but at least enough to move quickly and hit hard. She didn't have as much time to practice these things as she might have liked, but she could at least try to focus._  
_

With another swing, Ria knocked her sword into Lod's shield, causing him to stagger backwards. A spark of triumph filled her and she swung again with all her might. This time, she caught him before he could catch his balance, and her friend toppled over to the ground.

"Gotcha!"

She pointed the sword straight at his chest, urging him to surrender. Lod threw his free hand up, laughing as he did. "You got me. Just don't cut me with it. That thing's rusted enough to give a man bone break fever."

"Ha!" She smiled as she let her sword drop to the side and offered him a hand up. "The Jarl's guard, defeated by an amateur. I like that."

"Don't sell yourself short, Ri. You've got a better arm than most of the hold guards. You ought to join 'em." He grunted when he stood. "Besides, I won't be the Jarl's guard much longer."

The smile slid right off Ria's face. "What?"

"Siddgeir's been pushing for Dengeir to step down lately, and I think Dengeir's finally going to agree." Lod brushed the dust off his knees far too casually for Ria's liking. "I suppose there's a good point to it, too. Dengeir's gone and gotten old. It'll be good to have someone fresh, and Siddgeir's a decent enough leader."

"Siddgeir's a _prick_ and you know it."

"Words like those are a sure way to spend the night in jail."

"I'm serious, Lod!" She would not have him brushing her off now. "The entire town knows he's got dealings with bandits-"

"He's also got dealings with the Empire, and I will stand by the Empire. Won't you?"

"Of course I would, but that's not the point! Is he not keeping you as a guard?" She was too exasperated to wait for him to answer. "Empire or not, he's an awful person who'll mistreat half the people who serve him and let the rest go to save a bit of coin. You deserve better than that."

"I'll be fine," Lod said sincerely, but Ria still felt as though her blood was boiling. "I've got the smithy. Your father's good, but he'll retire one day, and someone needs to make armor and weapons for this town." He smiled at her, warm and calming. "Now, show me what else you've got."

Ria took in a sharp breath as she stared at him. How could he be so cavalier about this? "Fine. But don't think I'm forgetting about this!"

Lod laughed quietly and muttered something she couldn't quite make out. He held up his shield, waving it about a bit and goading her on. Well, if a good hit was what he wanted, a good hit he'd get. She readied her sword arm, focusing on the target and gauging how much strength she'd have to use. Her technique wasn't perfect, but she had the basics down, and that was enough for sparring like this.

Her sword hit the wooden shield with an audible clonk. Lod staggered just a bit, and a wave of pride crashed through Ria.

"What do you think you'll do?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Ria drew back her sword a bit to aim again. "What'll I do when?"

"I don't know," Lod said as he readied himself for the next attack. "You're a grown woman now, and you've not run off to one of the bigger cities or married yourself off to anyone. Just wondering what you're thinking."

With a swish, she hit the shield squarely in the center. "I still plan on joining the Companions, I suppose," she breathed. The sword had bounced back a bit on impact, throwing her off-balance. "Mother and Father still need me around, though, so I'll stay put for now."

"In their house, or in Falkreath in general?"

"Where else would I live but their house?"

Lod shrugged a bit as he adjusted the shield on his arm. "You could join the guard, live in the barracks. Or you could live with me."

"That seems silly," Ria responded as she regained her balance and gave a couple test swings. She would not be caught off-guard on this one. "My parents' house works perfectly well. Why would I move in with you?"

"Well, if you married me-"

Ria's sword fell to the ground with a rather loud clang as her grip involuntarily loosened. The hilt of it bounced off her foot, and she cursed silently to herself. "If I _what_?"

"Married me," Lod said calmly, as though it were the most normal suggestion in the world and not, in fact, completely insane. Of all the things to be casual about... "Hypothetically, of course. It's only a thought, Ri."

"Marriage isn't just a thought, Lod." She reached for her sword slowly, trying to reorganize her thoughts. "Alright, then. _Hypothetically_, why would I be marrying you?"

"The usual reasons, I guess." Lod was quickly getting uncomfortable, by the looks of it. He was the one who'd brought it up in the first place, true, but Ria couldn't help but feel sorry she'd reacted the way she did. "Security. Family."

"Really?" Ria nearly dropped her sword for the second time in as many minutes. "Family?"

"People have gotten hitched for less. Look, Ri..." Lod rubbed his free hand on the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to catch you off-guard, I swear. I'm not proposing to you now-"

"But you've been thinking about it," she noted, and winced internally when he nodded.

"I shouldn't have said anything. It was a stupid thing to say." To see this man, one she'd always looked up to, be reduced to this stammering mess made Ria uneasy. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. Shor's bones, I think about it every day. Your pa would kill me if he knew, too."

"Lod," she said cautiously, dreading whatever was coming next, "what are you getting at?"

"Dammit, Ria, I love you!"

Oh.

And now, as there was nothing left that could have _possibly_ made the situation any worse, Ria stood dumbstruck in front of her friend. The color was quickly draining from her face, and more than anything she wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. "Since when?"

"I don't know. Not that long, if you're worried. A few months, maybe." He let his shield arm fall to the wayside as he sighed. "I'm not expecting anything, honest. I'm sorry. Really, I am. Shouldn't have said anything at all."

"No... no, it's fine," Ria stammered. She had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that there wouldn't be anymore sparring today. "I just... I'm flattered, I suppose."

Whatever shreds of hope Lod had left seemed to fall from his face, and Ria couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. "But you don't feel the same way."

Ria could only stare at the ground in front of her feet. If she looked in his eyes, she thought it might kill her. "It's not that," she said meekly. By the Eight, she _hated_ sounding like that. "I'm surprised. That's all, really. I need time to think about it."

"You can take all the time you want, Ri." When she looked up at him again, she could see he was nothing but sincere, and for that she was grateful. "I don't aim to pressure you."

"Thank you." She swallowed the lump that had grown in her throat, willing herself to become calm again. This was certainly not how she'd expected her afternoon to go, and she didn't much want to risk it getting any worse. "I think... I think I'm done for the day."

Ria gathered her sword and turned away, much quicker than she'd intended. Though she wasn't looking at Lod anymore, she could feel his eyes boring into her from behind. He could tell her all he wanted that he didn't expect anything of her, that he didn't look to make anything happen right away, but something had inevitably changed between them, and she could feel it, like a beast breathing down her neck. What had once been a carefree friendship had become strained in a matter of minutes, and Ria didn't like it one bit.

She walked as fast as she could back through the small village to her cabin. Maybe being inside, further away from him, would let her breath easily. It was absurd, she knew. He hadn't said anything _bad_, or _dangerous_. He'd even told her he wouldn't force a decision on her. Maybe she could get away with ignoring the problem altogether. Oh, that was certainly tempting.

After what felt like the longest walk she had ever taken, she finally made it home. Ria shut the door as soon as she walked in and leaned against it. Her heart still pounded in her chest. Why had he gone and said a thing like that?

"Evening, love!" her mother called from a chair by the fire. In the firelight, Ria could see the edge of an old dress hanging off over her lap. She must have gotten home earlier than usual.

"Evening." Ria's voice was thin, as though she barely had enough air to speak.

And, as mothers were wont to do, Maris picked up on it immediately. "Something the matter?"

"No."

"Don't lie, dear. A mother always knows when her daughter is lying."

"Fine." Ria slumped a bit as she wiped her hands over her face. "Lod told me he loves me."

"Did he, now?" This seemed to genuinely pique Maris' interest. "That's absolutely wonderful news!"

The words hit Ria like a smack to the face. "It is _not_ wonderful news, mother! It's... it's the _opposite_ of wonderful. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever heard."

"Now, why in the world would you say that?"

Ria sighed as she walked into the cabin towards the fireplace and took a seat by her mother, getting a glimpse at the old dress she'd been sewing up. "Because I don't love _him_. What, exactly, am I supposed to say to something like that?"

"You could do worse than Lod, dear," Maris said idly as she stitched the hem of the dress in her hands.

"I know, I just-"

"He's a good man, you know, even if he is a Nord." Her mother grinned. "You'd be hard-pressed to find a gentler man in this town, and probably all of Skyrim. Now, _Cyrodiil_ has lovely men, but I doubt we'll ever get back there."

"But _mother_, I-"

"And it's high time you got married, don't you think?" Maris snapped the thread she'd been using and tied a knot with it to keep the stitches in place. "Oh, I know you had that fling with that traveling mercenary last year, but that's not enough to keep you secure or to keep your bed warm at night for the rest of your life. And, unlike the people back home, the Nords around this province don't much seem to mind who you've slept with-"

"Mother!"

"Oh, Ria, did you really think I thought you spent all those nights down at Dead Man's Drink just gossiping with Narri? Just so long as you pick up some potion afterward so you don't end up pregnant out of wedlock, I don't mind, dear. Really, I don't, but don't tell your father I've said that. I don't think he'd much care for the idea of you doing _anything_, even after marriage."

"And why are you talking about marriage?"

"Because, dear," Maris said calmly, "by the time I was your age, your father and I were already wed. Of course, we had nothing in Bruma, but we did have each other, and that's all that really matters. And Lod at least has a business. That's something."

Ria very rarely lost her patience, but she was about to get close. "Mother, I'm not going to marry Lod!"

"Why not, dear?"

"I don't love him!"

"If you think marriage is only about _love_, Ria, you are going to be horribly disappointed in life." Maris held the dress up to examine the hem, checking for evenness. "Marriage is about partnership and commitment. Love is wonderful, of course, but it isn't everything. Fondness is all you really need to get started."

"But you love father, don't you?"

"Of course I do, dear. I love him very much-"

"Then why would you say that I marry someone I don't love?" Ria pleaded. "Lod's a good man, yes. I know. But I don't want to marry him. Doesn't that count for something?"

Maris sighed as she put the dress down in her lap again. "Yes, it does." She reached out and took her daughter's hand. "Ria, dear, your father and I always want what's best for you."

"And what about what _I_ want?" Ria felt herself growing desperate. "When will that be what's best for me?"

"Ah." Maris squeezed her hand lightly, reassuringly. "This isn't just about Lod, is it, dear?"

"What else would it be about?"

"The Companions." When her mother looked up at her, her eyes were filled with regret, and it stung Ria in a way she hadn't expected. "Ria, love, I'm sorry. I wish we could get you to Whiterun, I truly do. It can't happen now, not with how little money your father and I make. But, when you go there, and I promise you will, we'll see you the whole way until they kick us out of the city."

Ria sighed as she slouched forward in her chair, and Maris let her rather than give her the usual warning to sit up straight, the way young ladies ought to. There was no hiding it anymore. This life, being stuck in Falkreath indefinitely, was not what she wanted.

For now though, it would have to suffice.


	5. Night in Falkreath

Lod never mentioned their conversation again, and Ria never brought up her thoughts, figuring he'd eventually find someone else or she would leave and perhaps it would be better to let bygones be bygones.

He knew, he must have known. He never once asked her for an answer, not in three years. He didn't ever attempt to court her, or purchase an Amulet of Mara, or anything of the sort. But, every so often, when his mind wandered enough that he didn't think better of it, words would slip out. He would hug her goodbye and mumble that he loved her. He would congratulate her when she sparred with him and call her his kind of woman. He would watch her as she adjusted her hair and tell her to stop worrying so much, because she was already beautiful.

She kindly ignored it every time. She wanted to be able to say something back, to say that she loved him, too, but those words would never come out. And, so long as she didn't say anything, they went back to their easy friendship, with only his occasional slip-ups suggesting anything had changed at all.

The only completely unavoidable change was that, a month or two after Lod's confession, Dengeir stepped down, and Lod was released from service, along with a quarter of the guard. He returned to the smithy, where he worked with Pontius once again. With two, they were able to create arms and armor twice as quickly, but, with the guard pared down, nobody was willing to buy.

Now, money was scarcer than it had ever been. Ria scrounged for whatever work she could find, which, for the most part, meant babysitting Indara and Mathies' young daughter. She didn't mind it as a job, as she really rather liked children and little Lavinia especially, but it seemed that, as time went on, her chances of going to Whiterun and joining the Companions were growing slimmer by the day.

Unless, of course, something happened that would drastically change that, as her father seemed to think it would right now.

"A trading post!" Pontius boomed. He'd become rather stout as he'd grown older, and his belly wobbled a bit when he laughed or yelled, which he'd done quite a bit in the past week as he prepared for his trip. He'd spoken of almost nothing else in that time. "All the way out by Windhelm."

"All the way in Windhelm?" Ria swallowed the lump in her throat. Windhelm was an awfully long ways away, in the farthest reaches of Eastmarch. Not to mention that, from what she'd heard from Solaf, most of the locals didn't take kindly to strangers, particularly when those strangers supported the Empire.

"It'll just be a couple weeks, dear," Maris said as she adjusted her pack. "If things go well, your father will have better materials for his forge, and better materials means more money."

"And we'll sell half the product along the road!" Her father grinned widely. His wares were placed strategically him: swords were strapped to his belt, an axe hung from his back, and some pieces of lighter armor were layered in a pack. He wasn't a tall man, but he could carry a decent amount of weight, perhaps due to all those years working with a hammer and anvil.

All that product was a nice attraction for bandits, Ria noted. "You're at least taking a carriage, aren't you?"

"We'll be taking one from Whiterun," Maris assured her. "And, from Windhelm, we'll be going to Riften, and probably head to Ivarstead after. We'll only be walking for the first and last legs of the journey, dear. There's no need to worry."

"If you say so."

It wasn't the first time they'd left town, but it was certainly the farthest they'd gone, as far as Ria knew. They'd taken trips to Helgen once or twice in the past few years, and once they'd gone as far as Riverwood, but they'd never gone further than that. The roads were dangerous even for more seasoned travelers, and while Falkreath was generally a safe town, it was imprudent to leave a young 20-odd-year-old woman alone in a cabin at the edge of it for any prolonged period of time, even if she could defend herself.

But it seemed nothing would stop them now, as the potential for better business was too lucrative to turn down. In the meanwhile, Ria could take over Maris' work at the farm, or she could watch over Indara and Mathies' daughter more than she already had. This would mean more money all around, and then maybe...

Ria shook the thought from her head before it even fully formed. Until they actually had the money or opportunity to do so, running off to Whiterun would be nothing more than a dream.

"Just a couple of weeks, right?"

"Three at the most, love." Maris placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It gets difficult to tell, with longer journeys, since there's any number of places we could stop along the way, but it shouldn't take us any longer than that."

They'd discussed it all already. Ria had no reason to keep asking questions, as she knew exactly what their plans were, but nothing could quite allay the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Such a long journey, and a dangerous one at that, made her want to keep them at home as long as possible.

But if they planned on making it to Riverwood by nightfall, Pontius and Maris had to leave now. They bid Ria goodbye with a kiss on the cheek each, and off they went. Ria watched from the doorway as they started down the path towards Helgen. She stood there until they had passed the point where the path turned, and they were beyond her control from then on.

The first week passed fairly quickly. Ria found herself busy taking over her mother's work at Corpselight, helping Mathies tend the crops or watching Lavinia when Indara went out to the field. It was an easy distraction, focusing on the sun's heat in the field and attending to the little girl whose energy knew no bounds. When she had something to do, Ria felt that her mind didn't wander to her parents and how they were faring.

Evenings were a bit trickier, but she managed. If all else failed, she could talk to Narri at the inn. But talking to Narri brought about its own set of problems, as all the Nord woman would ever say was that Ria's parents were fine and she shouldn't worry, and then she'd proceed to tell Ria all the gossip on whoever was renting a room for the night.

The second week was easier, as Ria realized that, at the very least, she could manage on her own for the time being. Surely Pontius and Maris were fine, and she needn't worry. She could focus on her work, and talk to Lod or Valdr during her time off, and listen to Narri's gossip and Valga's rumors before she went home to sleep.

By the third week, Ria was simply excited that they'd be coming home soon. Any day, they could be back, and they could be better off for it. If they'd sold some of their wares (and for higher prices on the road than they'd be able to make in town), or got better materials for the forge, they might be able to afford for her to go on to Whiterun. She didn't dare get her hopes up, but the idea still sat in the back of her head, making itself known whenever it could.

And then the fourth week came.

Perhaps it was taking them a bit longer to walk from Ivarstead. It wouldn't be unthinkable, Ria supposed. Pontius always seemed to overestimate how quickly he could move, and Maris never told him otherwise. It could be a longer walk home than they'd thought. Perhaps they'd stopped in Helgen for a night or two.

Maybe, if she told herself that enough times in a row, she'd believe it.

As the fourth week drew to a close, it was all Ria could do not to drive herself crazy with worry. Any number of things could have happened to her parents, none of them good. There was nothing she could do but continue helping Mathies and Indara during the day and walking to Dead Man's Drink at night.

The idea of going to the inn to drown her sorrows was certainly tempting, but whining to Valga and Narri once again was not. At least, Ria thought as much as she headed home that Loredas evening. She needed to talk to someone else, but to go to Indara would be to impose herself, and Valdr had left for a hunting trip just that morning. She didn't much care for Solaf, or, rather, for his younger brother who sometimes sneered at her when he thought she wasn't looking. But she didn't dare go home and sulk to herself, and so she was left with one last alternative.

And that was how Ria found herself in front of Lod's house, hand at the ready. He was still her best friend, even if that confession of his had changed the air between them. If anyone could talk her through this and calm her nerves, it was him.

She paused before she knocked on the door. Perhaps he'd gone to sleep. Smithing was hard work, and his assistant was gone for a week longer than he'd said he'd be, so perhaps he'd be tired. And it was late, anyways. She oughtn't knock on his door at this time of night.

But she did.

When Lod opened the door, she could see he was still dressed in his day clothes. Good. She hadn't woken him. "Ri," he addressed her with a nod and a smile. "What's going on?"

"Can I talk to you a while?" Ria asked timidly. "It's just... I don't want to be alone, and if I have to hear Narri go on about whoever's dropped into town again, I think I'll go mad."

"Of course."

He opened the door further and gestured for her to come inside. She followed, the cozy little shack feeling something like home. It wasn't _really_ home, not quite, but it was comforting nonetheless. Game hung from a rack near the hearth, light from the fire illuminated the living space, and the entirety of the house smelled like salt and honey.

Lod moved a couple chairs in front of the fireplace. Ria sat down slowly, almost shyly, as he ran to a table and grabbed a bottle of mead and two tankards. "Black-Briar reserve. Keep it around for a rainy day." He divided the contents between the two tankards and made his way back over to the hearth. When he offered her one of the cups, she took it silently. "Tell me what's wrong."

"It's..." Ria wasn't even sure where to begin. "I shouldn't be bothering you with all of this. You know my parents have been gone longer than they said they'd be."

"Aye, I know." His voice was gentle, as it always was. "But it bothers you, so... so you're not bothering me."

"Thank you." She stared at the floor as she took a sip of the mead. "They should have been home a week ago, is all. I've been doing the work that Indara and Mathies need me to do, but I can't do anything for _them._ I don't like feeling like I can't do anything."

"You're doing plenty, Ri. They do well having a girl like you for a daughter. You know that, right?" He sighed. "I'm not aiming to pry, Ri, but it's not just restlessness that's got you here. Tell me about it."

For a moment, she was just silent while she thought about his words. "I'm terrified," she admitted quietly as she turned the tankard in her hands. "They've never been gone this long before."

"Pontius is a strong man, Ri. And your ma fought off slaughterfish." When Ria stiffened, Lod gave her a comforting smile. "If anyone can handle themselves out there, your parents can."

"But not just anyone can." Tears were beginning to bud behind her eyes. "The bandits around the woods have been getting more active, you know that. And there's so much between here and Riften. Thieves. Wolves. Hells, they planned on passing through Ivarstead. If they took the route from there to Helgen, they could even stumble across a frost troll."

"They might just be caught up in Windhelm a while, you know." He placed a hand on her knee, a welcome touch at the moment. "It's a big city. And the blacksmith in Riften's a legend. Second best in Skyrim. Your pa would have a hard time walking away from that forge."

Ria spared half a smile, if only to humor him. "I just... I'm worried they won't come back."

"They will-"

"But what if they don't?" A tear escaped and began making its way down her face. "There's been talk that Siddgeir wants to raise higher taxes, and I can't pay that without them. They barely make enough money as is, and all I've ever done is odd jobs."

"Well, the guard could do worse than you, that's for sure. And you've always got me."

"I'm lucky for it, too." She put down her tankard before moving to wipe away the tear from her face. Crying was _not_ something she'd hoped to be doing today. "Don't know that Siddgeir's looking to hire anyone new, though."

"Then you work with Mathies and, if push comes to shove, you pack your stuff and bring it over here. I'm not letting anything bad happen to you, you hear?" He smiled at her, warm and kind and loving. "But your ma and pa are coming home, so there's no need to worry about it. If they aren't back tomorrow, I'll take a day to go to Helgen and talk to a friend there. He'll have an eye out for them."

Whatever shreds of self-control Ria had fell to the wayside, and the tears she had desperately been holding back fell down her face faster than she could wipe them away. She wasn't sure if it was the fear, or the restlessness, or the sheer kindness from her friend. Gods, she didn't deserve him. And he didn't deserve to have her stringing him along, never giving him the straight answer he needed.

He simply sat there as she wept. He scooted his chair around a bit to rub circles on her back, letting her sob and blubber incoherently about how sorry she was that she was reacting like this and how awful it was that he had to sit there and watch her when he probably had just been expecting a quiet night to himself. She didn't dare say everything on her mind; surely it was rude enough for her to show up on his doorstep and proceed to whine all about how awful it was that her parents weren't home when his own parents were several years gone. But he merely sat there, comforting her, asking nothing in return.

Eventually the tears subsided, and Ria finished her mead in relative silence, with Lod continuing to soothe her. The sting from all the weeping faded, her eyes and cheeks became less flushed, and her breathing returned to normal over the next hour or so.

By the time she'd composed herself, it was getting rather late and her tankard was drained. She wouldn't have minded another, just to have a normal conversation in which she didn't end up sobbing uncontrollably, but it would have certainly been rude, no matter how much Lod would insist it wasn't. Besides, soon it would be too dark for the walk home to be safe.

"I should be going," Ria finally said as she stood. "If I stay much longer, I'll end up crying my eyes out. Again." She wiped the heel of her hand across her cheeks, checking for any tears she might have missed before. "Thank you for listening to me. I must be a sight-"

"Hey. Don't you worry about that." He took her into a hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You are _always_ welcome here. You know that."

Ria blinked away the tears threatening to spill forth again as she clutched at his back. "Thank you." She squeezed him tightly for just a moment, just long enough to feel his warmth before pulling away. "You're a good friend to me."

"Just remember that I'm here for you, Ri," Lod said as he let her go from the embrace. "And I love you."

And there were those words again.

She didn't say anything; rather, she just looked at him. He wasn't an unattractive man, per se. His skin was leathery, perhaps from too much time by the forge, and he was hardened from his few years as Dengeir's guard. And he looked so much older than he was, though she hadn't the faintest idea why. His short golden hair... well, Ria had never much cared one way or another about blonds, but it suited him, she supposed. And he was there, and he'd certainly already expressed interest, which was more than she could say for any other man in the town.

She'd never been much good with flirting. Flirting required planning things out carefully, and she'd always preferred to charge into things straight away. Perhaps it was just that she was young and headstrong, perhaps it was that thinking let her revisit the past too much. She didn't know, and, at the moment, she really didn't care. She just knew that he deserved his answer.

Without any more thinking, Ria leaned in and kissed Lod full on the mouth. He staggered for a moment, seemingly unsure if it was truly happening. Soon enough, though, he recovered, and pulled her against him with a growl. Something in that growl was off-putting, but Ria stuck to kissing him, as if kissing him would make her love him.

He worked to deepen the kiss, and she let him. His tongue forced its way into her mouth, practically devouring her. His palms cupped her face, tilting her head back as he pleased. And she let him.

_She let him_.

If she forced her thoughts a certain way, she could pretend it wasn't him. She could imagine some handsome stranger, or that boy who'd left town some three or four years ago whom she'd grown so fond of. She could think it wasn't her dearest friend, and she could continue kissing him as though he were someone she were genuinely attracted to.

When he broke off, she couldn't help but feel a bit of relief. He rested his forehead against hers and panted for a moment. "Made up your mind, have you?" He let out a quiet sort of laugh, a friendly one, but still one that sent an uncomfortable shiver run down Ria's spine. "You want me?"

She could have told him "no" and left, and she had no doubt he'd let her. She _should_ have said no, should have walked out the door and back home, to spend the rest of the night alone or even at Dead Man's Drink where she could spill her sorrows to Narri like she'd hoped she wouldn't have to. She could have, and more than a small part of her wanted to.

But she didn't.

"Yes," she said, putting as much enthusiasm into it as she could muster. That seemed to be enough for him, and he kissed her again, fiercely and hungrily. She had to admit that his lips felt nice. Just to be kissing someone felt nice. Having someone's body pressed against hers felt nice. Knowing who it was, however, made her wish it was anyone else.

And yet she didn't stop him as his hands wandered down and splayed at her waist, nor did she pull away when they wandered further and grabbed hold of her rear. If anything, she kissed him harder, pressed herself closer to him. It was _she_, not he, whose nervous fingers began pulling at the laces of his shirt, and whose hands slid awkwardly over his chest.

Lod broke off the kiss once again, and Ria didn't know what she ought to do with her hands anymore. "Careful what you do there, Ri. You'll give a man ideas."

"Maybe I want to." Oh, _why_ did she say that?

"You sure? You've been upset something awful-"

"Please." The word sounded clipped, and Ria silently chastised herself for it. "Please, Lod, I... I don't want to be alone tonight. I want this."

From the way his eyes shone at the sound of her words, she figured he wasn't going to argue anymore. "Do you?" He grinned as he pulled back and took her hand in his. "This way."

He led her to the bed on the other side of the room, and her heart pounded in her chest the entire way. Really, the one thing she hoped for now was for the floor to open up beneath her and swallow her whole, but she would see this through. She had to.

Lod was quick to disrobe her. The way he looked at her, the joy and hunger in his eyes, gave her some small semblance of comfort. If nothing else, this would make him happy. And, if she were lucky, this would eventually make her happy, too.

Soon, they were both completely bare to one another. She made every effort to smile back at him and enjoy herself as he lowered her to the bed. And she did, at least a bit. Lod really wasn't bad to look at, though he was a bit burlier than she preferred. He was gentle enough, too, at least trying to make sure she got some pleasure from the experience.

Yet, when he finally entered her, she couldn't help but notice that only he was grunting and whispering sweet things to her, while she simply screwed her eyes shut, focused on relaxing enough to ease the hint of pain that came with her nerves, and thought of people she'd rather be with.

She tried, she really did. She moaned, out of courtesy if nothing else. She arched her back, dug her fingers into his shoulders, kissed him back whenever he kissed her, all the little things she'd heard drive men wild from Valga and Narri when they gossiped about the ones they'd bedded in the past. She pretended to love him and genuinely _want_ him, and, for moments at a time, it almost worked.

After he'd climaxed, he was kind enough to finish her off, though it took some time. She almost felt bad about it, like it was somehow her fault that she didn't find him terribly arousing. For a moment, as she finally found her release, she almost _did_ think she loved him in that way, almost cried out his name and cuddled herself against him when it was all over.

But she couldn't do those things.

Instead, she slept with her back to him, curled up into herself and left with the unmistakable feeling of being unclean.


	6. Discoveries and Consequences

When Ria woke, she felt uncomfortably exposed. This wasn't the first time she'd done anything of the sort, but it was the first time she'd done anything like this with someone so close to her, let alone _Lod_. It was one thing to be at the inn, but to be sitting like this, naked and in his bed, felt wrong somehow, as though its fundamental nature broke some unspoken rule.

He slept soundly beside her, not touching her. Without waking him, she slithered away from the bed and picked up her clothes lying on the floor. She dressed, silently and shamefully and twinging internally all the while.

And then she left, without saying a word.

It was too early to go by and grab a bottle of contraceptive potion from Zaria, so instead Ria simply headed home. Maybe, if she was lucky, her parents would be back this morning. Or, if she was luckier still, they would be back in the evening, and she'd have a chance to dispose of the potion first.

Ria sat about the cabin for a couple of hours, unable to really focus on anything. The only thing on her mind was the question of why she had done it, why she had gone ahead and bedded him when it wasn't really something she'd wanted. She'd wanted company, sure, and she'd told him she'd wanted his, but she had never once thought of him in that way before. Why had she said she'd wanted him? Why had she kissed him, and not once protested when he took her to his bed?

It was no use wondering. She knew why she did it. She did it because he'd said that he loved her, and she thought it might make her love him back.

It didn't.

It wasn't that she didn't love him at all. She loved him very much, in a way. He was a friend, possibly the best friend she had in town. By all means, he was as good as family. He was there for her after Nereus' death, and he was there for her as she'd grown up. He'd been a best friend to her, and almost like a son to her own parents, and she felt a kinship to him like no other.

And maybe that was it. He was her family, the brother who replaced the one that was taken from her. She loved her parents, but she wouldn't much care to marry either of them if she'd had the choice. She loved Mathies and Indara and even Valdr in the same way she loved Lod, but she would never have taken the chance to go to any of their beds.

She'd wallowed in thought for nearly two hours before she realized that Grave Concoctions was likely open already. She changed her clothes into something else, something that didn't remind her of the night before. Though there would be no mistaking what had taken place when she made her purchase, she could still at least try to protect her dignity.

The exchange was quiet, and Ria appreciated that, just this once, Zaria didn't ask questions. Ria could simply make her purchase and step outside to down it in a single gulp before tossing the bottle to the bushes and disposing of it forever

The sour flavor of the potion stuck around in her mouth for a few minutes after she'd finished it. The temptation of sweet mead to mask the taste and idle conversation to distract her mind almost drew her towards Dead Man's Drink, but it would likely be a mistake. If she spoke to Narri, the whole town would know in a matter of minutes, and Ria found she would rather be alone for the time being.

But evidently, time alone was not going to happen today, as someone was already calling her name.

"Ria!"

She spun around as she searched for the voice that had just called for her. Valdr ran toward her from the path leading towards her house. A look of panic was plastered on the archer's face. Panic and... was that pity? Ria couldn't quite tell.

"Ria," Valdr said as he reached her. His breath came out in heavy pants. "Ria, I've got bad news."

Panic flooded her own heart. "What?"

He really did look worn down. It was all part of his trade, she supposed. Hauling back animals, day in and day out, was hard work even with a team. But the weariness on his face now didn't look like typical fatigue. It was worried, and almost mournful. It terrified her to think what could have caused him to search her out now.

She only had a minute to think about what he would say as he caught his breath. It was difficult to theorize much beyond just feeling sorry for him, as he wheezed and panted. That was odd, Ria noted. He was a fairly athletic sort, being a hunter. How far had he run that he was bent over like this?

"It's your parents," he managed between pants. "We've found them."

"Where are they? Are they hurt?"

If there was any question what Valdr was feeling, it was quickly answered. Only pity and grief were on his face now as he looked at her. Pity and grief were things she'd never much cared to see. Somehow, she knew what was coming next. "Oh, gods. Ria..."

He didn't finish the thought. He didn't have to.

Whatever emotions had been flitting through Ria earlier completely disappeared, replaced only by shock. She'd be crying her eyes out later, she knew that much, but tears wouldn't even start in her eyes as she processed Valdr's words. All she knew now was that her parents were dead, and she was alone.

"Where did you find them?"

"A couple miles off, east-ways. The other boys are fixing 'em up to take back to Runil."

"Take me there."

Valdr's eyes widened in surprised. "I don't think that's such a good idea," he stammered. "They're an awful sight. It's hard to tell just how long they've been there. And..." The normally brutish man softened as his voice trailed off, and Ria was almost afraid of what he was going to say. "I don't think bandits got 'em first, but they got there before we did. Stripped 'em of everything."

"I don't care," she said, almost indignantly. "They're my parents." The archer's face seemed uncertain. "Please. Just... I don't want to wait until they've been buried in the ground."

The Nord gave her a concerned look for a moment more before shrugging his shoulders. "So be it, then."

The walk to the spot didn't take as long as it might have, not with Ria's insistence that they get there as quickly as possible. Valdr silently complied with her urgency, and for that she was glad, even if she could slowly feel her world crumbling around her.

The tears didn't come until she finally saw their bodies.

They were pathetic, and disgusting, and hardly resembled her parents at all. They'd begun to bloat, just enough to look puffy, but even that was difficult to see. They certainly hadn't been there since they'd left, at least; they were too whole for that. Whatever attacked them had gotten them on their way home, after they'd passed through Ivarstead. They were covered by dirt, and some smaller animals had already begun to make meals of them.

They were stripped of nearly everything but their smallclothes. Damned bandits couldn't walk away from an easy target, apparently. The product her father had been so excited about was all gone, the materials they'd planned on purchasing were missing, and their coin purses had been lifted altogether.

It was all Ria could do to just stay standing. Valdr stood uncomfortably next to her, watching her sob and passing silent nods to the other hunters, who were wrapping the bodies in cloth to take back to the Hall of the Dead.

Ria wiped some of the tears away with a swipe of her wrist and pivoted on the spot. She strode back down the path, quickening her pace with each step.

"Ria, wait." Valdr jogged after her. "Dammit. I knew this was a bad idea."

"No." She barely choked the word out. "No, I asked to go. Thank you for taking me to them."

"I shouldn't have. No one ought to see their parents like that-"

"I got through seeing my brother torn apart by slaughterfish." She tensed a bit as she tried to collect herself. At least she could save the rest of the tears until she was home. "I'll be fine. I mean, I plan on slicing my way through every damned bandit in the hold, and then move on to the ones in the Rift, but I'll be fine."

"Careful, Ria." Valdr caught up with her and grabbed her arm. There was no hiding now. "You're a smart girl. Don't go and do something stupid. Go have a drink with Narri. If Valga won't give it to you on the house, tell her I'll cover it. Just go home, give yourself time to grieve."

Ria relaxed in his grip a bit. "I'll do my best. Thank you, really." She gave a halfhearted smile as he let go. "I should go home. I guess I've got a funeral to get ready for. Your friends... they'll get them to Runil?"

"Aye." Valdr still looked worried. "I'll make sure of it." He clapped a hand on her back as he continued down the trail. "I'll see you back to town."

"Really, I'll be fine-"

"With those tears, you'd be downright lucky not to trip, knock yourself unconscious, and end up eaten. We're not adding another to the funeral."

She didn't protest the rest of the way home. She hardly even spoke a word as her tears began to subside to mere sniffles. Valdr simply walked in silence alongside her, and for that she was grateful. Had he tried to make conversation, she doubted her voice would hold up.

Somehow, the walk home felt longer than the walk out. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Her father had always told her that, when a person went out on the road, the walk home would always pass faster because their loved ones were pulling them home. Perhaps that was why this walk felt so long now. She had no one left to bring her back._  
_

By the time they got back to town, the tears had stopped altogether, though her eyes still stung and her cheeks still burned. She bid Valdr a short "thank you" before heading back towards that little cabin that was now hers alone.

She ignored most of the people as she made her way through town. Not that there many people to ignore, in a town this small. The occasional guard strolled past, and she might want to steer clear of Dead Man's Drink, but-

"Ri!"

Ria stopped dead in her tracks as she heard Lod's voice calling from the smithy. That was the one person in town she _couldn't_ ignore, not when he truly was the closest thing to family she had left.

"Lod," she said gently as she turned around to face him. For someone she'd snuck out on this morning, he looked remarkably pleasant. "About this morning, I-"

"Don't mention it. Figured you'd need to see Zaria." He smiled at her as he gestured for her to come join him on the porch.

She moved to him reluctantly. "You seem well."

"Never been better in my life." Lod grinned as he moved to take her hands. If he saw how bloodshot her eyes almost certainly were, he at least didn't mention it. "I've something I need to ask you. 'Bout the conversation we had last night."

"Oh?"

"I told know I mentioned I could go up to Helgen for the day to tell a friend to keep an eye out for your parents." At the last word, Ria felt a rush of emotion, and she fought desperately to fight it back. But Lod didn't seem to notice, and carried on cheerfully."I was going to wait till tomorrow, but there's no use delaying it. Might as well head out now. You can come with me. Make a day trip out of it, eh?"

"There's no need," she mumbled. The tears were coming back now, and she was powerless to stop them.

"Why not?" Lod's hands ran over her arms. She didn't dare lift her glance to meet his eyes, not when she was on the verge of weeping once again, but she could imagine the look on his face, how sad and concerned he must look. "Ri, what's wrong?"

The tears broke forth, spilling down her reddened cheeks and stinging her eyes once again. A cry escaped her as she lurched forward and clung to him. Whether she'd moved out of shame or to just feel some semblance of comfort, she wasn't entirely sure, but he didn't back away. He never would have.

"They're dead," she sobbed, unable to keep her voice from cracking. Oh, _damn_ it. "They're dead, and bandits found them before Valdr did. Bandits!"

Lod wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close so that her face was pressed to his shoulder. He let her sob, patting her back reassuringly. She was sure her tears were staining his shirt, but he didn't say anything to stop her; if anything, he hugged her harder. He'd been the first to comfort her after Nereus' death all those years ago, and he was the one here for her now.

When Ria's weeping subsided enough for her to form coherent thoughts, she pulled away a bit. "Damn bandits," she choked out, running the heel of her hand across her cheek to catch the last of her tears. "Couldn't even leave the dead with their dignity. I swear, when I see Siddgeir, I'll-"

"Don't do anything rash, Ri," Lod interrupted. "Don't need to be bailing you out of jail."

"He's soft on bandits, and you know it!" Grief mixed with anger as she seethed. "They bring him extra money, and for it he lets them attack his own people!"

"I know," Lod said gently, "but calm down a bit before you storm into the longhouse and get beaten down by guards."

"I can't just sit by quietly!" She was quickly growing furious. "The people of this hold are in danger because the damned Jarl cares more about his mead and money than their safety. I won't stand for it, Lod. I won't."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking you to reign it in a bit until the funeral's over."

Ria let out an exasperated sigh as his arms tightened around her again. "Fine."

"Are you gonna be alright tonight?" he asked cautiously.

"No," she answered, and truthfully at that, "but I'll survive."

"You don't have to be alone tonight, you know." Lod's voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper. "If you're not going to be okay, that is. I'm here for you."

Oh, no.

In the frenzy that today had brought, she'd almost forgotten about what the previous evening meant for their relationship. Lod clearly hadn't. A flash of panic flooded her mind, washing away the fury that had filled her only moments before.

"Not tonight, Lod," she said, feeling her throat go dry. "I need... I need to think. And I've got to get ready for the funeral."

"You take all the time you need to. When's the funeral?"

"Tomorrow, I imagine. I... I don't actually know. I suppose I'll talk to Runil."

"Do you need me to do that?"

"I can do it. They're my parents." For whatever it was worth, he'd let his earlier suggestion go, and Ria breathed a sigh of relief. "Really, Lod. I'll manage. I'll talk to Runil, and then to Mathies and Indara, and then to Narri for a while. And I promise I'll tell you what what Runil says, though if I tell Narri first, you'll find out in five minutes anyways."

"I'm sure." He gave her a light peck on the lips, and it was all she could do not to turn away. "Do what you need to. I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you."

And with that, Ria was on her way again. As much as she'd hoped for a few minutes to herself, she really had no choice now but to go down to the hall of the dead. It wouldn't do to put it off. Gods, it wasn't even midday yet and it already felt like the longest day of her life.

The arrangements with Runil went by quickly. Her parents would be buried in the morning, once Valdr's men brought them back. Ria would have enough time to make announcements of sorts to anyone affected by it. Not that there were many people she'd be telling, of course. Lod. Narri. Mathies and Indara. Valdr would find out as soon as he got back again.

By the time that was finished, all she could think to do was go home once again. That little cabin on the edge of town felt smaller somehow, foreign and lonely. As she looked around it, she saw memories and ghosts, shades of the life she'd been leading.

Not the life she'd lead anymore.

That night, as she curled up and cried herself to sleep, Ria began to plan. One thing was absolutely certain: she would not be staying there much longer.


	7. Ghosts

It rained all morning the day of the funeral.

Indara and Mathies stood near Ria, partially in support and partially because the rain prevented any work from getting done anyway. Valdr and his fellow hunters gave their condolences. Narri and Valga took the morning off to see. And Lod, ever patient and faithful, stood next to Ria, squeezing her hand as teardrops mixed with raindrops on her cheek. He didn't say a word, but he made his presence felt.

Yet, somehow, even with the patter of rain and the occasional coos of birds and the sloshing of mud as guards patrolled the paths, Ria could hear nothing but Runil's airy voice as he administered the final burial rites to her parents. She saw little, apart from the two new stones that had been placed next to Nereus' grave. The world around her didn't even seem to exist for the time being.

When it was over, the rest of the visitors to the funeral dispersed, save for herself and Lod. She'd told him to go on home, that she wasn't going to be much company and he'd catch cold besides, but he shook his head and said he'd be there as long as she needed him. She sighed and headed home, allowing him to walk her back to her house and give her one last hug and kiss on the forehead before she went inside to grieve alone.

And once again, as she entered that little cabin, it felt smaller, and emptier, and full of ghosts.

Staying there indefinitely wasn't an option now. She had to do something, anything. Wasn't that part of the reason her parents had gone to Windhelm in the first place? Hadn't they gone to make money and just _do_ something, for a change?

This was her chance.

Ria would get out of this house one way or another. Even if she never made it to Whiterun, she'd get out of this town. She'd make a life as a mercenary, or a guard, or even a soldier if she had to, in anywhere but Falkreath.

In the best case scenario, she'd join the Companions. That was what she'd wanted all along, after all. And she'd get it, if it was the last thing she did.

But first things first. She needed to plan.

She set to work almost immediately, distributing items to different piles and assigning them destinations. A pile of books and her old doll from childhood would go to Mathies and Indara and their daughter. Old clothes were piled high and given prices so she could sell them to Solaf. A few weapons could go to Valdr for his next hunting trip, along with the old bear head he'd mounted on a plaque for her when she was just a girl. Some dried herbs she'd never found a use for would be gifted to Zaria. Cutlery and dishes were for Valga, and a single bronze ring was for Narri. Her father's smithing equipment would go to Lod, if he'd accept it. Furniture was rearranged accordingly, so that she could sell the property back to the Hold and keep herself from going completely broke.

Only a few things were kept for herself. She had a set of light scaled armor that her father had made, though it was a bit tight, along with the sword he'd forged, which admittedly would fall to pieces sooner or later. She'd bring a wooden shield, and some spare food to take on the road. She stuffed extra clothing in her pack, along with a few heirlooms she wouldn't leave without. The heirlooms weren't much, really, just some plain jewelry and little trinkets from her parents, but they'd be reminders of her past as she made the journey to Whiterun. Perhaps, if she ran low on gold, she could sell the jewelry, but she wanted to avoid that if she could. She had the spare gold, plus whatever she made from the house. That would get her through.

Over the next few days, she made arrangements. She spoke to the Jarl first, giving herself a week to finish packing. His housecarl would deliver the payment within that week, and whatever she left behind when she began her journey would be forfeit to the Hold.

She spoke to Indara and Mathies next, giving them what she could to help them with their daughter and their farm. They got their pile of books, and little Lavinia loved the doll and promised to take good care of it. Ria in turn made a promise to come back and visit when she got the chance. She wished them luck in finding more people to help on the farm.

And then she spoke with Valdr before he went out for his next hunting trip. She gave him what little equipment was around the house, and, while she ought to have kept some for herself, it would have been heavy, and the sword she had would be enough. He smiled when she offered him the bear head, said she should keep it, but it would be impossible to carry it with her on the road.

Then came Solaf, and she sold what she could to him. They weren't particularly good friends, and they never had been, but he wished her luck on her journey and paid her fair coin for her goods.

Valga was next, not that Ria had much to give her. Before she even said a word, Ria made Narri swear not to tell anyone at all about this visit. Narri may have been a gossip, but she was hardly as bad Bolund liked to say she was and she would keep her word.

And soon, on the last day, only Lod was left. She'd spoken to him throughout the week, but only briefly, and mostly to deliver the smithing equipment that she wouldn't have needed even if she were staying. She'd wanted to avoid it more than anything in the world. Gods, he should have been the first person she told, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. If anything, she wanted to sneak away without a word, but she couldn't do that to him, not when he meant so much to her.

Ria carefully knocked on the door to Lod's house. This wasn't something she was looking forward to, but she had to do it. She knew she did.

When Lod opened the door, he smiled. The smile quickly faded, however, when he took note of her pack and the sword strapped to her hip. "Ri," he said, a note of caution in his voice. "What's all that for?"

"I just..." She wasn't sure where to start. "I wanted to say goodbye."

"You're leavin', then?"

"Yes." Ria stared at the floor in front of her feet, unable to look him in the eyes for fear of crying. Her hand tightened on the hilt of her sword, the same rusted old thing she'd been using for years, barely fit for fighting a fox, let alone anything that legitimately fought back. But it was what she had, and it was what she needed.

"Nothing I can do to convince you to stay?"

"I don't think so."

Lod sighed, and she was hit with a twinge of guilt. "What if I'd asked you to marry me?"

She shook her head. She might have guessed that was coming. "You've been a good friend, Lod, but..." Her voice trailed as she tried to find the words to say what she felt. "To me, you will always feel more like a brother than a husband."

When she looked up at him, he looked a bizarre mixture of heartbroken and disgusted. "How long have you thought that?" Before she could respond, his expression softened, and he held up a hand. "I wouldn't have taken you to bed if I'd known. That's the only reason I ask."

"I don't know," she said, and honestly at that. "A while. I thought, maybe, if I tried, perhaps I'd grow to think of you that way. But I only ended up proving what I'd thought all along."

"Then you don't love me." He looked at her, eyes saddened and making Ria crumble where she stood. "I don't aim to complain, Ri. Really, I don't. I just... Damn."

"I do," she said, barely loud enough for even herself to hear. "I love you dearly, but... I don't love you like _that_."

Lod was quiet for a minute, and it was all Ria could do not to cry. "I could provide for you," he said, his voice barely audible. "Anything you'd need, I'd be able to give. You know that."

"I don't want you to have to provide for me."

"But-"

"No, Lod." She gave him a slight smile as he grabbed her hand. "I need to do this."

"But you _don't_," he said, his eyes betraying his inner turmoil. "What are you trying to prove? Who do you need to prove this to?"

"I'm not proving anything to anyone!" She did her best to keep composure as his eyes pleaded with her. "I've wanted to join the Companions since I was a girl, but it was never the right time. Mother and father both were just barely scraping by, and they needed me here. But they aren't here anymore, and I'm not taking care of them. So I guess this is my chance. There's no time like the present."

"There'll be no talking you out of this, will there?" He sighed, taking a step back from her. "At least let me give you a parting gift."

"There's no need, really-"

"A new sword. Something I've made."

"Really, it's fine." She squeezed his hand, hoping he'd drop the subject. "I've had this sword for years, and I couldn't possibly take something from you."

"It'd be a gift. I'd be giving it to you."

"It'd be too much to carry on the road."

"Get rid of the old sword, then."

Ria just shook her head again, noting his disappointed expression. "My father made it for me, and I'm keeping it. I'm not keeping much. I've sold most of it to Solaf, given other things to Indara and Mathies for all the help they've been."

"Do you need gold, then?"

"I've enough to get to Whiterun and stop in Helgen and Riverwood for a night each, which I shouldn't need to do. And, with any luck, I've got enough to buy myself a new weapon when I get there. I'll be alright."

"Aye. I guess you will." The corner of his mouth flickered up, almost into a smile. "You be safe out there. And, if the Companions don't live up to your standards, you know where to find me."

As another flash of sympathy surged through her, Ria couldn't help herself. She threw her pack to the ground and flung her arms about his neck, taking him into a hug. His arms wound around her, drawing her close one last time, before he pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

When she pulled back, she unwound her arms just enough that she could glance her thumbs over his cheeks. She leaned back in, cupping his face in her hands, and pressed one more kiss to his lips, long and lingering and more than a bit sorrowful. She didn't want to break away, to take this moment away from him. She'd thought, this whole time, that it ought to have been anybody but him. Perhaps, she realized as she finally broke the kiss, she should have wished it were anybody but _her_.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "Lod, I'm so sorry. I wish I could-"

"Don't." He smiled, comforting and heartbreaking all at once. "I won't lie and say I'm glad, but this isn't your fault. I only wish I was what you wanted."

"I wish so, too." Tears began to roll down her face in earnest now, and her throat closed from her sobs. Lod simply hugged her to his chest, letting her cry. This couldn't be any easier for him than it was for her, and yet here she was, crying in his arms selfishly. "I'll miss you."

"The whole town'll be missing you, Ri." His hand stroked over the back of her hair. "Especially me. Falkreath will be awful lonely without you around."

"Please don't be lonely," she mumbled. "Please, for me, Lod. Don't be too alone. I want you to find some sweet little woman who loves you, and if that takes too long I want you to buy a dog to keep you company. I want you to be happy."

"I'll do my best, alright?" He squeezed her tight once more before letting go. "Come inside for a bit. Have some mead before you head out."

Ria simply shook her head again, wiping away the tears that fell down her cheeks. "I should leave now if I want to make it to Riverwood by nightfall. Thank you." She gave him the brightest smile she could managed. "For everything."

"Anytime you need me-"

"I'll let you know." She took in a deep breath to collect herself as she reached for her pack. "Here's to hoping that this isn't good-bye forever. I'll see you again some day."

"You'd better." He smiled at her as she adjusted the pack on her back and made to leave. "Have a safe journey, Ri."

"Good-bye, Lod."

This was it, she thought as she left him behind and walked on towards the town gate. She spared him one last wave as she went along her way, on towards Whiterun and a future she'd begun to think was never going to happen.

It was odd, really, leaving everything behind. There was nothing left for her in Falkreath, but she'd miss it, and she'd almost certainly have days when she'd wish she could go back to this part of her life and relive the moments she'd be closing off forever. But this wasn't an ending, not really.

This was merely her beginning.


	8. Epilogue: Life Begins Anew

"What's your name, girl?"

The man in front of her had a familiar face, one that Ria had somehow managed not to forget in nearly twenty years. He smiled warmly at her, crinkling his eyes a bit. On his cheek was a swirling tattoo, the same one she'd noticed all those years before. It was easy to remember an encounter like that, especially now, as she stood in the brightly lit mead hall of Jorrvaskr.

"Ria," she said proudly, "of Falkreath. I seek to join the Companions."

"Do you, now?" The old man crossed his arms as he looked at her. "I see a certain strength of spirit in you-"

"He says that about everyone," the man next to him interrupted. Ria recognized him, too, though not quite as readily. He had the same warpaint he'd worn when she'd seen him long ago, the same snide smile, but he was far more weathered, and his hair had thinned to the point where the top of his head was completely bald. "But you'll be able to prove yourself."

Ria smiled as Kodlak shot his comrade a warning look. "Anyone with a brave heart and a strong arm can be a Companion. I believe you've got the heart, but let's test your arm to be sure. Vilkas!" He called out, and a younger man standing near the doors turned around. "Take this lass out and spar with her. See if she's got what it takes to join up."

The younger man waved his arm at her as he grabbed a sword from the weapons rack. "Outside," he called in his thickly accented voice, and she followed him, leaving her pack by the back doors and gripping her rusted old sword so tight that her knuckles turned white.

Sparring didn't take long. Ria tried to remember everything Lod had taught her, but she didn't get many hits in before Vilkas managed to knock her to the ground. But she was here, and that was something, so she smiled all the while.

"You'll need training," Vilkas said as he offered her a hand up, "but Kodlak will like you." The side of his mouth twisted into a grin as he made his way towards the doors. "Grab your pack again. The whelps' room is downstairs."

As Ria went to bed that evening, it was all she could do to keep her excitement contained. She was really there, among the fabled Companions, the place she'd wanted to be her entire life. She only wished her parents could see her now, that they'd gotten to take some small part in it. The journey ahead was long still, but she would muddle through somehow.

For the first time in a month, Ria slept easily.

She'd made it.


End file.
